Delusions

A long, long time...

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 08:29:57 GMT

Too much school and work, but I've still been managing to get out and about a little to enjoy my new-found 21-ness. Been enjoying planning for the big trip to Europe with Ryan too!

And loving my kitty, of course. Pictures to come!

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 06:08:12 GMT

So I thought I would post a little about my new job:

I'm officially working for 3 units (>9 hours per week) in Dr. Andrew Fisher's lab. Dr. Fisher works on X-ray Crystallography for the chemistry department, but also does research on kinetic characterizations of enzymes (eg biochem!). In our lab there are three graduate students, one foreign scholar, and four undergrads including me. Zhihao, my graduate student, is super cool and shows me everything once before setting me loose to try it on my own! He encourages independent thinking...so it's good that I take detailed lab notes in *gasp* my very own official lab notebook!

I'm doing a research project to express, purify and crystallize an enzyme involved in the processing pathway for tRNA. This enzyme specifically sulfurylates the portion of the tRNA that is involved in recognizing wobble bases during protein translation. We clone the gene for our protein into a vector, then express it, purify it and run high through-put assay trays to try to discover what conditions will produce pure crystals big enough to get detailed diffraction. This information can then be used to ascertain the 3 dimensional structure and spatial arrangement of the protein.

So far I've learned and applied a lot of techniques - media preparation, cell culturing, affinity columns, dialysis, buffer prep, HPLC (ugh! too many tubes). Exciting! So far I'm loving it, so hopefully it'll only get better as the year progresses!

I also think it's time to post picture of my Sunny. I had some younger ones of right when I got him, but they got erased :(. So here's a couple around 4 months!

First "week" of school again

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 17:18:10 GMT

I'm getting a little nostalgic, thinking that this will be my last fall quarter...my last oppotunity to see all the new freshies lost and wandering around campus. It makes me feel old, yet ironically I'm still not 21. FOUR MORE MONTHS!!! Argh!

Things got stressed this summer - Bis 1C is officially my most HATED class at UC Davis. It sucked major ass, so thank god it's over and done with. I'm promptly *erasing memory* of all things plant-related. Besides breathing...lol.

I started at my new lab last week and it's so fun! I actually have to go there now, but I'll write more later! I'm supposed to have lunch with Rochelle today, which is awesome since I miss her now that we don't have plant bio and biochem together :(.

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 20:26:00 GMT

I guess it's been awhile here...hard to believe a whole "quarter" has passed since the trip to Mexico and my last entry. In the last six weeks I aced BIS 103, aka Bioenergetics and Metabolism. Dr. Segel was kiiinda crazy and very abrasive, but it was fun to have him try to pick on me about my first midterm score and show him that I got the high score, muahaha. Biochem is cool and I enjoy these classes more than anything else...but I'm starting to get nervous about my upper division MCB classes this next year. Oh, and P-Chem, heh, but time will tell.

Been hanging out with Patrick some, and have made friends in my classes. Summer isn't s bad, but I miss Ryan. He needs to hurry up and get back from his trip.

Back from sunny Mexico!

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 06:09:36 GMT

Finally back in town after a whole 7 days back in beautiful Mazatlan, Mexico. Talk about a slightly different experience staying in an amazing resort instead of on a tiny sailboat! The Pueblo Bonito Emerald Bay resort was totally amazing, I'll upload pictures later...definitely an amazing investment by my parents to get a timeshare at this brand new place. And the best part is that we can exchange our week with any other Pueblo Bonito resort (in Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta and some other places) OR with any other timeshare place through RCI. WOOHOO!

So for a bit of a summary...

Friday - depart Oakland, switch over in Phoenix and get to Mazatland...all accomplished on tiny ass regional planes. Kinda scary, but super nice...got bused out to the resort where I was amazed to see the four star layout and recieve incredible service!

Saturday - took advantage of the hourly shuttles for the 10 minute ride into downtown Mazatlan. Went to dinner with the parents before Ryan and I ducked back for a night on the town. We picked the Bora-Bora nightclub right on the beach, and it was crowded with locals. Good dance mixes, two circular bars and an open porch right onto the beach...some tequila shots and a couple beers later, and Ryan & I considered it a great adventure! So was the pulmonia ride home around 1am (buses and the shuttle stop running that late...I think I ended up getting a cheaper ride everytime. The trick is to lie and say you got it for hella cheap "just last night!").

Sunday....thru today (Friday) - really only remembering a blur of laying out by the luxurious pool and swimming while slowly getting drunk all day (happy hour from 4-5 at the pool and 5-6 inside the main bar, lol). Bloody Marys, margaritas, a couple martinis and a whoooole lotta beer. I love mexican beer *sigh*. Then out to town for dinner, exploring and some more clubs/bars (no parents, they go to sleep to early - the routine was they get up early while we stay out late). A definite disadvantage was sharing the room, but I think we all managed pretty well for the lack of privacy. Although for a pleasure resort, the most private area for Ryan and I was the beach itself...thank goodness there's lounge chairs out there! And stay away from the grassy areas within the resort...I ended up with all sorts of bug bites.

Thank God my Spanish wasn't as rusty as I thought it might be - it was actually kinda fun to put it back into use after so long! Made me apprehensive about Europe after graduation though, since I don't speak anything more than Spanish for Spain and like two lines of French.

All in all, it was an AMAZINGLY great week...I hadn't realized how much I missed Mexico and everything that came with it until I was relaxing on "manana time" and had visited the 200 year old block market where the different sectors offer huge whole animals for meat and just about anything else you could wish for!

A good start to the summer, hopefully starting school Monday won't cast a shadow on any future fun to be had :).

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 17:32:25 GMT

Meme: page 123, 5th sentence, next 4 sentences.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

"When the full realization of the purpose struck him like a sudden blow, he stopped. 'You don't care for anything but business.' He had heard it all his life, as a verdict of damnation. He had always known that business was regarded as some sort of secret, shameful cult, which one did not impose on innocent laymen, that people thought of it as an ugly necessity, to be performed but never mentioned, that to talk shop was an offense against higher sensibilities, that just as one washed machine grease off one's hands before coming home, so one was supposed to wash the stain of business off one's mind before entering a drawing room."

Wow, Ayn Rand....you're so deep! (Atlas Shrugged). No wonder I haven't quite made it thought all 1075 pages. Though I have enjoyed some of the imagery (like...last summer, lol).

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 03:16:11 GMT

Came "home" to Concord for a whole lot of stress relief (about seven phenomenal times worth). I think it ended up being a very, very good idea to come down for the night. Love my baby and I needed to be held and told everything will be alright - stupid finals.

Still looking for a kitten...my baby went to someone else.

Ryan's moving to a house (hopefully), maybe in Pleasant Hill. Looking forward to 20 min shorter drive and a house every other weekend!

Damn classes...we'll see how everything goes. W00t for an A+ in my MCB 120L lab portion - just have to wait on the final for my lecture grade!!!

Loves.

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 14:29:40 GMT

I'm looking at kittens!!! Look at these guys I'm going to meet next week...

Wed, 18 May 2005 04:11:26 GMT

I just watch the season finale of Gilmore Girls...Rori's quitting Yale to take time off and find herself because the newspaper guy told her she doesn't have what it takes to be a journalist...and is breaking Lorali's heart in the process...

Maybe I'm stuck up, or condescending, or just have an easier time of it than most...but to me, quitting has never been an option. I don't have a clear purpose, and it weighs on my mind almost every minute of every day - what am I doing here, what will I accomplish, what am I going to do with my life?? But not knowing the answer isn't a reason to stop trying or give up. I don't understand how so many people seem to be able to write themselves off and settle for so much less than is possible in life. Take advantage of a time when people will help you and you can get a leg up...it's hard enough to get anywhere in this fast-paced, gratification-based world, why reject any help you can get? School is the prime opportunity to explore options, do internships, try things out - once you're done in school those doors close and are so much more difficult to open later on.

How can people give up or not try their hardest? I work so hard, and stress out, and worry SO MUCH about where this is all going, but I never doubt that it's going somewhere and the only way to get there is with hardwork. I'm just so frustrated and tired of watching people around me get derailed and settle for less.

Why? Why can they while I can't let myself?

Tue, 17 May 2005 00:25:33 GMT

It was a good weekend weather-wise to celebrate a year and a half with Ryan, but he came down with an awful sinus infection so it confined our celebration to the apartment...not so bad except for the flea infestation that only seems to strike when I'm there, ugh (bites everywhere). He still suprised me with sandwiches and a trek into the Berkeley hills, reenacting one special date we had there...we always manage to find a nice little hidden away spot to enjoy the gorgeous view. We didn't make it to the observatory that night, but we'll save it for another weekend - we still had fun looking over the bay from the Lawrence Hall of Science and wandering Telegraph (got some Fat Slice), even though I think Ryan was too out of it to enjoy much...

Looking forward to next weekend since I got tickets for us all to go see "Into the Woods" at Wyatt Theater (UCD Drama Dept). Mom's coming too, and I think I'm going to talk to her about some of the stuff that's been bothering me since Chris called on Thursday last week.

School...ugh. Internship/job...ugh. Life and CAREER? shit.

Why this week, this year?

Wed, 11 May 2005 18:45:45 GMT

Why should I feel so shitty during the ONLY TWO WEEKS EVER that I don't have tests and tons of crap to do???

This summer school schedule is turning out to be truely hellish, but at least I'm still getting to go on the trip to Mexico...even if it means hating life for the whole next year.

Primate Center project is ending, so I can look for a new lab job.

School, blah.

Diana and Kieran about Ryan? double blah. Any guy who acts like a jerk isn't good enough for me, but if he treats me perfectly he's pussy-whipped.

I'm fucking confused.

Whole Earth Weekend

Mon, 09 May 2005 14:18:32 GMT

The weekend came, finally! Not quite as wild and crazy as I imagined it, but it was still a great time...didn't buy any hippy jewelry this year, but I did get one of those cool coconut drinks and some "organic" (meaning no pink dye) cotton candy.

Ryan made it up in time Friday night, so I made him take me to campus to see the firewalking. It was pretty neat, I've never seen anything like that before and it does seem a little counterintuitive that they'd be able to do that! Even if it did seem a little mumbo-jumbo with all the "intent" and "fire, my spirit, take me home" etc, etc. It was fun curling up on Wellman lawn with Ryan next to the big fire.

On saturday we went over to Woodland first thing and I bought a bunch of horseback riding stuff (splurge! eek) - the zipper on my other breeches broke, so I needed a new pair until I can get those fixed. And I bought a pair of paddock boot and suede half chaps, since it's getting painful and crappy to ride in tall boots...shoots your style right on its ass.

After horsey stuff, I made Tim come with me and Ryan to explore the Whole Earth Festival...it didn't seem quite as cool as I remembered last year, but maybe I was a little self conscious with the two guys there. Not exactly the frolicking hippy type, and I got a taste of whimsy last year when I went with Jackie. She's definitely the whimsical festival-enjoying type! We actually ran into her and HER ryan, which was cool. Hope that works out for her and he stops being dumb.

We could have gone and partied at the Co-ops that night, but we decided to just stay in and celebrate on our own (in the backyard, looking up at what stars we could see through the heavy clouds), Then we retired into the living room, where Ryan had made a fire while I cleaned up dinner (he bbqed steak and we had some fresh chiabata bread, corn on the cob, salad, oatmeal cookies and strawberries dipped in chocolate!). Very romantic, and good for saving money this weekend by not going out and doing stuff that costs $$.

Went over to Diana's friends apartment last night for dinner and TV (Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy). All in all very fun, Diana and I need to relax and hang out more often - damn her and her Pasta!

I really hope that he gets this apartment thing worked out and everything turns out all right...I just want stuff to get easier for once, or if not easier at least better.

Wed, 04 May 2005 06:45:52 GMT

i love him so much.

he pesters me to talk about what's wrong until it comes spilling out, no matter how stupid or trivial or weak it seems to me. i feel better afterwards, and i love him even more for knowing something was wrong and taking the time make sure i know i should talk about it.

things always seem better when he knows, even if i feel weak.

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 05:36:00 GMT

Even though I wrote briefly about Picnic Day...

It has been brought to my attention that Ryan deserves credit on the fulfillment of my long-time fantasy...
At his suggestion...

Picnic Day - food, etc: $15
Bottle of wine that evening: $8
Walk to the park late at night in a skirt: worth it

Ending up on the high school tennis courts: priceless! (and freaking memorable...I love living out fantasies!!)

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 13:56:02 GMT

This weekend was pretty incredible, after I convinced myself to stop feeling guilty for actually doing something FUN instead of just studying...It feels like my entire life is studying sometimes, and Ryan and I are just homebodies on the weekend. Staying home, watching movies, sleeping late and eating out...though we usually manage to do something special in there, whether it's taking a walk, going hiking, picnic in the arboretum...something novel!

So I drove down to Concord on Friday night, and was supposed to have breakfast with Lauren and Johanne on saturday morning since Johanne's been going through such a bad time cause of Jason. Then when I was on the phone, Ryan told me to invite her out to Concord to come relax and party a little, to take her mind of stuff...and then he told me to invite Lauren too! We ended up with a couple people at the apartment, just hanging out, but I thought it was so sweet of him to insist on cheering Johanne up by having them over. "Your friends are my friends"...what a great guy. Turns out Lauren and Ryan's friend Danny hit it off...hopefully we'll be able to arrange for them to hang out a bit more, hehe!

I woke up (with difficult) Saturday morning and drove out to Alameda for a couple hours for breakfast. It was good to see those two again, Lauren and I got to discuss the complications surrounding careers in the sciences. After stopping by Noah's for coffee and a little homework, I got home and found Danny asleep on Ryan's bed (lol) and Ryan at the Warcraft. Danny ended up convincing us to go out to a party in Oakland, where he knew a couple of guys. It was a Fight Night at the East Bay Rats motorcycle club, and it was crazy driving through Oakland and getting to this dive place with at least 50 big ass bikes outside. Everyone was all tatooed and wearing leather, but it was fun because they all seemed nice and brotherly. Kinda like no one was going to fuck with you if there were 80 hardcore guys there to kick their ass. They had a live band and a ring set up in the backyard (with ropes, and plywood floors lol!). You could sign up to box someone, and they put you in with gloves and let you go! It was really fun to watch (I've never seen a real fight before) and all the guys were cool. The last fight we watched was a couple girls and that was REALLY fun...a shaved-headed girl against this teeeeny, cute little red-headed chick - and the pretty girl totally kicked ass! Awesome...except when those drunk old women were hanging all over Danny and fell of our chair into a bunch of garden tools...idiots.

Sunday we slept in and then went over to Ryan's mom's house so he could mow the lawn and wash their new van...I fell asleep watching tv with his brother, and when I came outside my car looked totally different! Ryan washed my car while I was sleeping inside, and now it's all beautiful and shiny (hurts my eyes, lol!). Such a sweet thing to do, I just about melted...that guy just keeps coming up with ways to surprise me. I love him so much, even if he did get a little too turned on when I was bloodlusting over that chick fight. Muah!

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 05:51:17 GMT

I'm in love.

Picnic Day was fun...not the same with Diana working and unable to explore with me :(. Ryan and the parents came up and we did the whole campus thing, showed them around the new Life Sciences Buiding. We had little Lucy-the-Chihuahua with us all day, which was fun.

Johanne so hurt, i love her so much. WIsh i could fix it all.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 05:39:04 GMT

I'm in love.

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 05:37:22 GMT

You Are Sensual Sexy
You exude a luxiourous sensuality in your everyday life
Turning heads every where you go, it's all about your sexy attitude.
You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos.
Your biggest problem is that your utra sexy self sometimes scares men away.

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 21:36:03 GMT

Going crazy. Like pull-out-your-hair crazy.

CRAAAAAAAAAZY.

I better do well this quarter.

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 19:10:27 GMT

Well, an acceptable first week even though I'm not thrilled about my schedule. Ryan came up Friday/Saturday, so I made a beef crockpot stew on Friday night...it came out deliciously! Everyone ate some, so I count it a success. Then he and Diana and I went over and chilled at Joe's, where he had a pony keg to launch the new quarter off right. It was a fun kickback - just hanging out, talking, watching some comedian who writes/sings weird songs, lol. I felt cute in my spring-y white skirt, and Ryan and I had a good time when we got home (although still tired from last weekend).

We woke up and made it to the Davis Farmer's Market for once!!! I bought a basket of strawberries that we ate while we browsed the booths and enjoyed the great weather. Ryan bought a whole bunch of kiwis and we ran into Kieran, Alexa and Ronnie! We ended up eating a lunch of hotdogs and kettlecorn on the grass (yumm).
We went to Costco with Kieran, and then attempted to fly the defective Costco kites before Ryan had to drive home. I missed him, and wish he could have gone with me to the...

D-Chi Ice Luge Party! (4/2)
Extend your spring break a night with a 350 lb block of ice for shots and 2 kegs.
932 Snyder Dr (Pole Line to Wahl to Snyder - across from the cemetary = neighbors that dont call the cops)

In the words of Alicia, in her away message the next morning..."mmm, goo dnite. good ice gluige party. sorry oyu omissed it!" LOL! It was pretty damn fun, and it's been a long time since I've gone to a party like that (must get out more this quarter!). The shot off the ice luge was weird, but cool, and the beer on tap was natty lite (eek), but Thomas got a me a vodka fruity drink that was pretty good. I ended up drunker than I intended, and talking to the roommate of Amandine's guy (who I finally met!!!). I was hoping Diana and Alex would hit it off, but I think I was being too drunk and talkative...and my hair did look cute (according to Alicia, both drunk AND sober, hehe). Oh well, maybe it'll happen next time!

Well only two weeks til PICNIC DAY!!! Ryan will be up, I'll be spending the day with my parents...BUT, I'm looking for a FUN PARTY to go to that night, so IF ANYONE KNOWS OF ANYTHING, let me know! :)

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 17:51:48 GMT

Well winter quarter is officially over, with spring quarter ready to begin tomorrow! This crazy one-week spring break barely gives you time to close the book before it's time to start getting intimate with new ones. BUT, the good news is...just 10 more weeks until I'm laying on a beach in Mazatlan, Mexico!!

I worked hard last quarter, and even though I went through some really hard stuff I still expected to do pretty well...but I was shocked! 3A+ and an A...and one of my A+s was in NPB 101, holy shit. I guess maybe winter quarter is a lot easier, haha! Though I still had to work my ass off for that damn class (at least it was interesting). Biochemistry was my favorite though, I thought that stuff was really interesting. Spring quarter, hopefully looking forward to a 6 unit biochemistry lab, bis 104, a research seminar and npb 168 (neurobiology of addictive drugs, w00t!).

Spring break was pretty amazing, considering how short it was. I went down to see Ryan after work at the Primate Center on Wednesday, and spent the rest of the week loafing (mostly SLEEPING) at his apartment while he was at work. Then he arranged for us to go up to his parents cabin in Truckee with them over Easter weekend - it was a full cabin! His mom, Dale, brother and friend, sister and boyfriend...geez...and his mom had me share a room with his sister (again). We went snowboarding with Dale on both Saturday and Sunday at Northstar, and it was so much fun! This is like the 5th time I've gone, and I've finally learned how to turn, and even to point my board straight down the hill and just switch edges! I still fall a lot (and it hurts more now cause I'm going fast) but at least I can keep up with Ryan and Dale better without feeling like I'm totally holding them back (I hate sucking at stuff!).

All that fun aside, the weekend got even better since Ryan ALSO arranged for us to stay an extra couple days after everyone left!!! It was the first time they've ever let him use the cabin by himself, and it was wonderfully romantic. We mostly just cuddled up by the wood burning stove with some movies, and had crazy sex all over that cabin (though we didn't manage to do it in the awesomely cool ice cave/tunnel we built - though it would have been freaking cold. I'm all for outdoor sex, but when it's WARM!). But we did get pretty tired by the time it was time to come home...seeing him for a week straight made us realize that we need to strictly ration sex whenever we're together for more than a couple of days...can't keep up the five times a day stuff. Craziness!

Well, today it's off to buy books and school supplies with Diana! It's damn windy, but sunny! Out to enjoy!

FUCK

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:28:23 GMT

Middle of finals...took biochem today, accidentally reproduced the WRONG GRAPH from memory (stupid ion exchange column elution instead of affinity column elution). Then I got an email from the library saying they're charging me 110 dollars for a book I didn't return (I have it, just haven't returned it). This day...sucks. And now I have to studying for my written english final tomorrow. godammnit.

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 18:00:32 GMT

A picnic in the sunny arboretum by the creek...he brought me lillies, my favorite. Just to say I love you.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 22:56:30 GMT

I'm slowly but surely making it through this week...the one after this is going to be a bit hellish, but I survived my last NPB midterm yesterday so I might as well be walking on air!

Had a good last weekend with Ryan...took me for coldstone (yummm) and we spent a beauuutiful sunday doing a bit of exploring in the Mt. Diablo state park. It's so pretty up there, I'd like to go check it out - definitely horse country!

Next week is my last horseback riding lesson (booo)! Hopefully it'll work out that the two other gals in my lesson want to continue next quarter. Jumping!

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 06:09:52 GMT

two pieces of WHEAT toast, butter, glass of oj
cheerios to snack on
cream of wheat with brown sugar, diet cherry 7up
bowl of leftover Diana's chicken (gooood), an avocado and couple pieces of apple
some more cheerios, couple graham crackers
oh and some damn thin mints (thank god they're gone) and Rachel's red hot candies

it felt like i ate so much more, think i must be leaving stuff out.

just realized people don't want to hear this. making them private from now on.

blew up at ryan unintentionally today...just having so much trouble dealing with body now and don't know at all what to do about it.